27 is almost 10 years from 18

I was up late last night reading a novel on authonomy.com. That’s unlike me to stay up late reading. Well at least that late. But I was really into the story and characters were so enticingly exciting to connect to. Anyways my mind was very much still active as I laid in the bed well past midnight. (Especially late for someone who used to get up at 5:30 to exercise) I had already decided to quiet the guilt I was feeling by deciding to just start fresh on Monday with my early wake up calls. So as I allowed my mind to wander I found myself distinctly aware of the changes that my desire had become in the past 9 years. I was thinking of Christmas coming up and my grandparents (who live in TN) I figured would just send money but I found my desire wasn’t for money but for something totally different. If they gave me money then I was sure to use it to pay some bill. No I desired something else. I desired to have gift cards for my favorite stores that I frequent with my coupon crazed obsession with the storage of goods and food. And don’t get me wrong it’s not like I want to hoard things. It’s quite the contrary. I am just tired of having to make choices like picking between shampoo and toilet paper for my family with the last five dollars I have. My husband is in construction and it’s chickens one day and feathers the next and lately I could have started a new business in the bedding industry with the amount of feathers I have. And before people try throwing out there about him finding another job blah blah. I don’t want to hear it. We are doing all we can and this is not what this blog is about. Anyways back to Christmas, I remembered my first Christmas with my husband and our already made family. (When I fell in love with CC (my husband) I fell in love with the package. All 25 years of his handsome responsible self and his motherorphaned two sons Jacob, 6 then, and Evan 3 then) He bought me a vacuum cleaner for my gift that year and I was completely appalled. LOL. I chuckle at the memory. What a brat I was at 18 and was for a long time. (Did I mention my CC is patient) Anyways I scolded him something awful. Something along the lines of Christmas is for gifts not appliances. Anyways I just was pondering that for a long time last night and thought man have I changed.


~ by Bri Clark on September 25, 2009.

4 Responses to “27 is almost 10 years from 18”

  1. I like the part about the bedding industry with all the feathers!

  2. I grew up poor but never looked poor. My mother made our clothes, made sure we looked like a million dollars with hair done and nails cleaned etc. We did not celebrate birthdays and there were few Christmases that we actually had. I think this was good because I never expected to receive anything as well. I never had a birthday party and never really went to any others so I did not miss anything. In fact I feel weird when people give me presents.
    My Mom or ama or mama (spanish accent) had been a lady riveter during the war and the first things she bought was furniture for her parents and a wonderful piano. She could not read music and could play by ear. She also had a wonderful singing voice. We lived alone my first 7 years with a tormenting older brother and sister. I never knew I had a father growing up it was not talked about. My mother had serious medical issues and suffer RA as well and would often have to go to the hospital for operations. She was also obsessed with having a clean house because she felt people would judge her on how she kept her house and how we looked. Which I know people do judge how we keep our homes and how our kids look.
    All of this has an affect on how we look at others and what we expect. Just like Christmas. I love you idea about the three gifts. I have down played birthdays and Christmas more in the last few years. Maybe because I feel like giving my kids experiences rather than gifts. Gifts of serving others I think has made my children much more giving.
    I often forget my children’s birthdays because I have so many. But I do try and give them gifts other times of the year so I am not too much of a slacker. I like to give musical instruments or things that last. I had given each daughter a real gold ring just because I wanted them to have something that had meaning. (EBay is the place). Something now that they are older and adults to know that I love them.
    When your children are young it is much easier to please with toys but as they grow older it becomes harder.
    My dream would be to have all my kids together and have a photo of everyone. We did that one time but then out Vinter came along.

  3. Rudy and I give to each other all the time and we forget about the birthdays and holidays. Then I am never disappointed nor is he. So we just say it is a holiday all the time around here.

  4. sometimes i see and hear the young girl you think you have left behind, that is what makes you the person you are today. you have taken all the good and bad and crazy things from your life and used them to become this person and you are a great daughter, wife, mother, sister, etc. and i love you and can’t wait to see you.

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